by, 12-21-2009 at 10:28 AM (927 Views)
Well, so yeah....my first blog...it's going to be long and you'll see a lot of ... but those are my signs of thought so bare with me. Please, don't anyone feel bad or anything...this is just me talking and this is now the blog I will let loose from my built up mind and rage inside as well as my intellect from all aspects surrounding it.
For me...this blog is sort of a changing element for me; my life that is. It hasn't been all that easy, but I'm going to sum it up as quickly as possible to help guide you to the Christmas part of things this year.
Mother and Father were both drunks when I was young (after I moved to Ohio, they were fine in Texas, just not with family in Ohio)...bad drunks...long story short my dad ruined my life, destroyed my things...beat the shit out of me and my siblings when I was younger...and well my mom was so wasted out of her ass too, that it didn't even matter. As I grew older, I started fending for myself...and showing him he wasn't as he portrayed and I got physical with him to save my brother and sister often times. So, when I was 18 I had my father arrested for an event that took place at my home in Ohio, the hardest thing I have ever had to do, but I had to do it. Moved out to Pittsburgh, on my own - only one person beside me - my gf who was already living there(we weren't together at that time but yeah...thats another story) So, we've gone through all the bullshit, my mom has been sober for about a year and a half...proud of her, the dad....still to this day I can't even think of hearing about him or his voice. Mom is going through the divorce process and all that jazz.
Now onto Christmas. So, I'm going home for Christmas and the biggest thing I want to do is see my best friend I've had, Marc, come home from Iraq (Scott you're getting there homie....just keep truckin, Orlando 2 weeks!) more than anything. That I will do, however the dilemma is this...
As you heard earlier, I have two siblings, a brother and sister who both with through all of this drama with family and such and well, as it comes to no surprise, they were hurt too. My sister sees my dad - shes the youngest one on visitation with my father (15 yrs old) and my brother is like me, and doesn't want to be apart of that.
So my mom wants my brother and my sister, as well as myself(but didn't tell me till my bro did) to go to our grandparents house on Christmas and see him. I don't want to do that....nor do I plan on having that happen. So all I know right now is that it hurts me to even think that my Mom has tried to force my bro into something like that at this point. My bro doesn't deserve to be put in that situation, and we're both still hurt and healing....
So for Christmas, I'm taking a different a little approach to things this year. For me, it's not about the gifts, it's not about the tree, it's not about the food, or the fun, it's about the people that mean the most to me. If I have to create a Christmas with myself and my bro, so be it. I know damn well that everyone supports us with our decisions, and while I logically explain my stance in every aspect that I can, people still don't understand that I just don't want to be apart of "Dad" yet.
I'm probably going to end up driving to Pittsburgh, get a drink with my bud - might not happen till after but I know he wants to see me just as bad...and then just go out and about with my bro and sis. Maybe hit up a movie...before we go to my mom's side of the family for Christmas(it's awesome having 30+ people there, great food too) and bake up my "Better than Sex" cake, then go back home and chill with my bro and sis...or maybe just bro if my sis must make an appearance at my father's side of the family for dessert.
All in all, Christmas for everyone should be a time for happiness....but in due instances, and different life courses, the bad overpowers the good and even though you can't control how you feel, you can take some of that feeling away from the people who need that out of their minds more than you do. And in that, I hope I create a Christmas for my bro, sis, and mom, that rids their thoughts of what may come up while I am there.
Here's a task for you: Send a hello out to someone you haven't talked to in ages, let them know you remember them and admire them for what they were in your life...in whatever instance that may have been - do it and see what comes of it. It could mean something big to them...and to you as well.
Movie of the day: ELF....god damn I can watch that over and over and once more over.
Song: Ching a ling - Missy Elliot (lol...yea...just feelin it today)
Random thing that happened today: I was at work and put a santa hat on, and all the cops were eating and talking to the server at like 4 am....well my dumbass goes up to the server looks at him, looks at the cops who are all staring at me from just walking by, and says "Sooo, what's up" and the cops just stare....LMAO....so then I say "Okay, I guess I'll take it off then, but thanks for ruining my spirit" and the one cop goes "Hey if you swing that way...you just swang..." and everyone started laughing rediculously....so then I took the hat and put it on that cops head and said "Well, looks like you'll be swinging for the rest of your shift, hope you don't pull over a drunk guy walking home, because I know you'll be giving him a lift home" and walked away....lol
That's my blog....so much more to say...but for now, I bid you peace, and a very happy holiday season.